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TIMMI'S COMING HOME!!!
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Mar. 28th, 2008 @ 01:05 pm
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TIMMI'S COMING HOME TODAY!!!!
I can't wait to see him!!!!
This has just proved to me how i really feel about him. I guess its true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Huh, who knew.
But I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy about him coming home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok off to level his shaman to 20 *glee*
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Kyra and JB
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Mar. 28th, 2008 @ 12:52 pm
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*bounces* Ohhhhh I'm sooooo happy for Kyra! She's got herself a girlfriend!!! And its JB, the girl she's had a crush on for over 6 months now! Ohhhh soooo happy for her :D
They are insanely cute together too <3
I think Kyra was a bit worried about me being upset or jelous, but I tend not to do the whole jelous thing. I'm just happy for her. I don't understand (well i do understand, but, meh) how i would be unhappy that she is happy?! What kind of friend would i be to do that to her? To see her this happy is just brilliant and i feel happy because she is happy. Not sad at the prospect of me never getting to be with her (which I don't think would ever happen in any case).
I'm happy for both of them! And JB is so much fun! *bounces*
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My Haircut
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Mar. 12th, 2008 @ 08:52 pm
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What does a paranoid person do when their girlfriend comes home with a new haircut?
Does he...
A) Immidietly ask why she got her haircut and why it needed doing?
B) Say it looks good in a rather underwhelmed voice and then proceed to read his book?
C) Not even mention a thing?
The answer if you were wondering is B. I then proceeded to pester him until I got a better response from him...well I say better...urm...I think I wish I'd left it at "Oh, it looks good".
He kind of looked at me and said... "You know if you hadn't said anything earlier I then wouldn't have noticed, because it doesn't matter to me what you look like. I never really pay that much attention in anycase."
I think there was a compliment in there somewhere...
Then he asked me how much it cost.
Then he said that he'd been thinking all day why I hadn't asked him about what I should have had done with my hair, and drawn the conclusion that Kyra must have suggested it to me. And that me being the 'silly sheepy muffin' that I am, would have just gone... "ok, what should I have done".
Seriously paranoid.
Then when I explained that I've been doing all of this for him, so that I will look good for when he goes away, he said "ohhhh you silly muffin. You know I love you no matter what." Which was so sweet, but meh! The hair!
He eventually managed a sincere "it looks good" though, so thats ok :D
So yeah, love the bugger to death, but he does have a way with words :P
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What the Fuck?!
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Mar. 8th, 2008 @ 08:52 am
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Ok What the Fuck, just WHAT THE FUCK?!
Oh dear lordy what nearly happened yesterday??????
I think sexual tension summed up the day nicely!
Once again...just WTF!?!?!
Maybe it was all just a dream, or did Kyra actually just cause me to have to take a moment to double back on myself when she said that she had actually thought about us as a couple?
I don't even know if I want that to happen. I just rather like the prospect of having a friend with benefits. I like having that dynamic with my friends. I have never once in the past been weird about it with any of my other friends, so I don't suppose that I would be with Kyra. The question is really whether or not Kyra would be ok with that or not. Because, like I said, I could happily handle it. It means that you keep the dynamic of the friendship, and you both get to have a lot of fun as well. Everybody wins!
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Remembreing
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Mar. 2nd, 2008 @ 10:09 am
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This is in no way anyones fault, I know that and yet I still wish it was. It would make everything so much easier if it was.
I couldn't sleep last night. My brain just would not shut off.
You see i had just read JB and Dark's Tsume/Raidou thread that was set when Raidou was 18, and they have sex. Its a fantastic thread, and the writing is, as ever, top notch. Its just that it stirred up some old issues for me that I didn't think were still issues.
Tsume had been Raped 5 years previously and still had 'issues' with sex, that she was determined not to have.
I have Vaginismus and so the very detailed description of a painful sexual experience was rather close to the mark.
"Vaginismus (the German equivalent of the word Vaginism) is a condition which affects a woman's ability to engage in any form of vaginal penetration, including sexual penetration, insertion of tampons, and the penetration involved in gynecological examinations. This is the result of a conditioned reflex of the pubococcygeus muscle, which is sometimes referred to as the 'PC muscle'. The reflex causes the muscles in the vagina to tense suddenly, which makes any kind of vaginal penetration -- including sexual penetration -- either painful or impossible.
A vaginismic woman does not consciously control the spasm. The vaginismic reflex can be compared to the response of the eye shutting when an object comes towards it. The severity of vaginismus varies from woman to woman." -- Wikipedia.
I don't have it so bad that i can't have sex, it just makes sex rather painful. Ok thats an understatement, but yeah, sex hurts. Its gotten better these past years, but i don't know whether that's because Tim and I are having less actual penitrative sex and moer digital sex. It probably is.
I think this is only really an issue with me because i'm with Tim, and he's a man. I think if i were with a woman it wouldn't be such a big thing. However i still think that the issue would come up as, even during lesbian sex, penetration still occurs. It just holds less significance in a lesbian relationship i suppose.
As it is now, it has the effect of making me feel slightly dysfunctional as a woman. Its sort of the male equivalent of not being able to get an erection. It calls into question the whole value of you as a member of your sex. The thought "what if i can never actually have sex", that haunted me for months in the past has gone. I know i can have sex, and that i can still achieve an orgasm through clitoral stimulation, but the first half of sex at least (and sometimes the whole way through) still hurts. I don't like that. It makes me feel bad for Tim more than anything else. I feel like I can't be everything that i should be able to be for him. And that disappoints and upsets me.Current Mood: uncomfortable |
| » 19st the right way! |
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Today is a wondrous and joyous occasion! I have officially and finally hit 19st 12!
I know that doesn't sound good, but that means i have lost 4pounds this week, and have broken into the 19st bracket! I have LOST WEIGHT! It wasn't just my trousers getting slacker, I am actually getting thinner !
Ok now I'm off to finish Kakashi, so I can post him up onto deviant art. I'm so very proud of my Kakashi!
Feb. 29th, 2008 @ 12:08 pm
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| » Brains should be banned |
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Brains should be banned from thinking. This is another conclusion I have come to. My brain is evil and makes me want to do bad things. Well not bad things - I've not got a voice in my head that says "kill everyone" - more along the lines of 'do this *insert fun, but socially suicidal thing here* it'll be fun!'.
Bastard brains. I can't get some very fun images out of my head either. Which makes the essay (that I'm supposed to be writing right now) VERY hard to do!
My ID is destroying me! And the worst thing is...I can't do what it wants me to do. Why do the Gods hate me? What have I done to deserve this brain? Please, I really do want to know. I'll atone for whatever it was I promise!!!
Feb. 25th, 2008 @ 10:07 pm
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| » Make thy self useful |
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I've concluded that i achieve the status of 'people actually like me' by making myself useful to those people. Show people that you can provide them with something that they want and they will keep you around.
This is proufoundly sad. True, but sad.
Do i have that little self asteem that i really think that people won't like me for being me? I mean seriously...
My inner normal person wants to kick me right now!
Feb. 25th, 2008 @ 09:45 pm
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| » Raidou Conquers |
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Ok so this is what I did this morning when I should have been sleeping...
Raidou Conquers
Looking down at the sight before him, he almost wanted to come then and there, almost. The deep brown eyes gazing back up at him were enough to cause his knees to give way, for just a second. Their silent question, “can I?” made him want to melt.
This warrior, this strong, deadly warrior was on his knees in front of him, begging, to be allowed to remove his pants. There should be some form of law against this sort of thing, he thought as he moved his left hand down to explore the warrior’s thick hair. Short and ever so slightly spiked, perfect to hold onto.
His eyes had never left Raidou’s silently questioning gaze, and when he finally gave the quick nod that said “yes” far more eloquently than he ever could have managed, he watched the man’s scarred and sun kissed face form the first true smile of the night. He’d have to do that more often if that’s what it took to make Raidou smile like that.
He watched as Raidou began to unbutton his Jeans. When he had chosen these Jeans this morning he had had no idea that Raidou's hands would have ended up being the ones to remove them. They were already too tight, owing to the rather sizable erection that was being held inside of them, and as Raidou’s fingers began to press against the buttons of his pants they momentarily became constricting. He closed his eyes and allowed sensation to take over. Raidou was, he decided, way too good at this for it to be his first time. He never faltered with even one of the five buttons and as his pants were pulled down they moved in one fluid motion. He felt his skin quiver when Raidou’s calloused but oddly soft fingers traced the inside line of his legs and started to remove his boxers.
He let out a small gasp when Raidou reached inside them.
He didn’t know where his boxers had gone and he didn’t think he wanted to know. All he wanted was happening right now. This was all he had ever wanted. He could die now. Except if he did it would stop, and he never ever wanted this to stop. Eternity wasn’t enough time to fully appreciate this feeling.
“Oh God Raidou” It escaped his lips as a moan. What had happened to his voice? This man’s lips had taken away his ability to speak.
“Oh FUCK!” He hadn’t meant to say it so loudly but Raidou had let out a moan of his own at the sound of his name. The vibrations enveloped him and drove away the last vestiges of reason from his mind.
He braced himself against, something, behind him. He didn’t care what it was; only that he could remain standing long enough to see this warrior’s lips wrapped around his cock. When he did force his eyelids open and looked down he decided he had died, and that this was heaven.
Heaven was a warrior on his knees, eyes closed in concentration and pure unadulterated pleasure, lips forming a perfect seal around his cock. Heaven was watching this man move. His back arched and fell in time with his head as it slid on an off his dick. Raidou’s shoulders, one scarred one smooth, flexed and relaxed in response to the hands that had moved from his inner thighs to his hips. Raidou’s hands felt good against his hips. They were so strong. He let them guide him into a faster rhythm, moving more rapidly in and out of his mouth, starting, he realised, to slip down into his throat.
How much longer could he hold back the orgasm that had been threatening to engulf him from the very start? From the time Raidou had dropped to his knees and looked up at him like that. Holy shit Raidou had opened his eyes. He felt something pull inside of him and knew that that very image would remain in his memory forever. Raidou had taken him all in. Every last inch of his cock was inside of Raidou’s throat and as he pulled back he looked up.
This was too much, he was going to come. He was going to come, he realised, without ever feeling Raidou and how hard he was. He moved his leg against the man’s thigh. Raidou groaned as he pushed up against him, the movement forcing his cock to push against the roof of Raidou’s mouth.
“Shit Raidou, oh Gods that feels so good.” He watched as Raidou moved himself against his leg. Raidou's moans and what could only be muffled exclamations of pleasure and frustration caused his dick inside Raidou’s mouth to jolt. His hips began to buck and he once again reached down to grab hold of Raidou’s hair. This time he wasn’t so gentle. He was going to come and this kneeling, glistening man was going to be the cause of it.
Holding Raidou’s hair like that only seemed to double Raidou’s desire to please him.
“Fuck, Raidou, I’m gonna come!”
The man’s suction increased.
“Holy fucking Gods!”
It increased again.
This time it was too much. He felt Raidou take him into his throat once more and finally let the orgasm engulf him. He jerked and shuddered as he felt himself release inside of Raidou’s mouth and felt Raidou swallow. His breath came in gasps as time and again he felt himself shoot into Raidou’s open and willing lips. Heaven truly was this man.
Finally it stopped and he let himself sink to the floor. He couldn’t have stood in any case. Raidou had managed what a thousand faceless enemies could never have done, he had broken him. He was truly, and the thought made him laugh, conquered.
Feb. 25th, 2008 @ 09:58 am
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| » All About Me |
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My 70 Confessions-
1. Who was the last person to call you baby?
No one ever has.
2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your trolley?
Always
3. If you got the chance to kiss the last person you kissed, would you?
Yes totally :D
4. Has someone ever sung a song to you?
Yes. Although I was 16 at the time, and it was more in order to cheer me up than to serenade me.
5. Do you play Sudoku?
Nope, could never figure out how.
7. What's your msn name?
magicmuffin_8
8. What celebrity would you want to have sex with?
Angelina Jolie.
9. Ever seen someone die?
Nope.
10. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No, just lust.
11. Where do you live?
Halifax.
12. Are your parents still married?
Yep.
13. If you were allowed to be a character of any film what would it be?
Cat Woman. She’s sexy and strong (and also gets to look great in leather.)
14. How long have you had myspace?
3 months. Then I got rid of it.
15. Is it better than facebook?
Not got a face book.
16. Are you gay?
Sure am!
17. What's your favourite lesson?
Anything to do with counselling, history or art.
18. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you would grab?
Tim. If I was at my parents, then all of my family. If I was round at Kyra’s, then Kyra.
20. Who do you text the most?
Kyra.
21. Who do you like?
Tim, my family, Kyra, Ruth, the guys in Bristol and Tula.
22. What colour are your eyes?
Green/brown depending on the light.
23. How tall are you?
5ft 2inchs.
25. Do you like your parents?
Yes.
26. Do you secretly love someone?
No, it’s not a secret who I love.
28. Who loves you?
Tim and my family.
30. Where was the furthest place you travelled?
Africa.
32. Do you like mustard?
NO!
34. Do you look like your mum or dad?
More like my Mum. But I have my Dad’s nose.
35. 45 minutes or longer?
That entirely depends on what I’m doing :P
36. Can you do the splits?
Nope. But I did once when I fell down the stairs if that counts.
37. What movie do you want to see right now?
Rambo.
40. Do you think The Grudge was crappy?
I don’t know what ‘The Grudge’ is/was.
43. Was your mum a cheerleader?
No, but she was a member of the gymnastics team at her school.
45. What’s the last letter of your middle name?
Y.
47. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
8 – 10.
48. Do you like care bears?
Not really, I think they’re kinda creepy.
49. What do you buy at the Movies?
Movie tickets...Ice cream and Coke.
50. Do you know how to play Texas Hold’Em?
Actually yes I do. But I occasionally forget how to :S
51. Do you wear your seatbelt?
Always! I have no intention of dying in a car accident.
52. What do you wear to sleep?
A t-shirt now that I have asthma.
53. Anything big ever happen in your town?
Just the usual. No bombs yet. Just rape murder and general life.
54. Is your hair straight or curly?
Straight.
55. Is your tongue pierced?
GOOD GOD NO!!!!
56. Do you like Liver and Onions?
Yep. I never really got why people don’t like liver. It tastes nice.
58. Do you like funny or serious people better?
Both.
59. Ever been to L.A?
Nope.
60. Who is on your mind right now?
Kyra, but that’s just because I got this questionnaire off her.
61. Any plans for tonight?
Just the usual sleeping.
62. What’s your favourite song at the moment?
Nickleback: Follow You Home.
63. Do you hate chocolate?
That question is blasphemy!
64. What do you and your parents fight about the most?
My Dad’s paranoia or my Mum deciding that she doesn’t want to be on anti-depressants any more. She’s not good when she’s off them.
65. What’s bugging you right now?
Myself.
66. What did you dream of last night?
Ninja’s planning parties.
67. Who do people usually mistake you for?
People seem to want to call me Sarah for some reason...Other than that, my Sister.
68. Are you easy to get along with?
I’d like to think so. But I don’t get on with everyone I meet.
69. What is your favourite time of day?
Either really early morning, or dusk.
70. Are you generally a happy person?
Yes...I even bounce.
2008
01. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Go to University because I wanted to.
02. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Nope and Nope.
03. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No
04. Did anyone close to you die?
No
05. What countries did you visit?
England
06. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A dress size of 14.
07. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The day Tim goes to Italy because I will miss him so much.
08. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Making new friends and keeping them.
09. What was your biggest failure?
Myself.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No more than usual.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
New underwear...I now have a choice in clothing!!
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Tim’s and Kyra’s.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
My own.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My friends liking my drawings...I bounced for like 3 weeks!
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Nickleback: Follow You Home.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder: HAPPIER.
thinner or fatter: Same.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Telling people how I feel about myself.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Ignoring Tim.
20. How will you be spending/did you spend Christmas?
At home!!!! I get to have the whole day with my family this year!!!!
22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yes.
23. How many one-night stands?
None.
24. What was your favourite TV programme?
Criminal Minds.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No. But I don’t hate anyone.
26. What was the best book you read?
Seduced by Moonlight: Laurelle K Hamilton.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Pandora... but then it went away...
28. What did you want and get?
A friend.
29. What did you want and not get?
Self Control.
30. What was your favourite film of this year?
St Tinian’s... yes I am that sad.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
22 and have a party.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Nothing could have, not more satisfying. My Dad not having 4 strokes would have made it happier.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Find clothes that fit.
34. What kept you sane?
Kyra and Tim.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Angelina Jolie.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I ashamedly admit I haven’t followed the politics lately.
37. Who did you miss?
No one.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
Kyra!
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
Always, always, always be true to yourself.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
“I will follow you home”
Feb. 23rd, 2008 @ 03:38 pm
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| » Seriously Surreal Dreams |
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Ok, I think I'm spending way too much time reading fallen_leaves stuff! I'm now DREAMING about the characters!
Things are becoming way too surreal.
The Dream (what I can remember of it):
The Theme: Raidou has to plan a party.
Consequences:
Genma finds out Raidou has to plan a party and can not resist 'helping'.
Somehow Kakashi finds himself stuck in the middle of the madness of the crazy party.
Summery of their reactions:
Raidou: Huh?! I have to do what?!
Genma: OMG, Raidou planning a party! This is too funny to miss!
Kakashi: WTF?! Whats happening?!
So yeah, fun surreal dreams.
Feb. 23rd, 2008 @ 02:08 pm
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| » Logic |
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Timmi (my better half) said the funniest thing just now...
When describing my take on logical thinking..."logic to you is like a nextdoor neighbour. You occasionally say hi and wave at it, but you never really get to know it."
I lauged so much. Its just so true!
Feb. 9th, 2008 @ 02:20 pm
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| » *Bounces* |
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Oh Good Gods and everything else that possibly exists!! People actually want me to draw for them... *blinks* ... I knew that i was ok at drawing, i mean i got good grades in art and always had fun, but no one has ever asked me to draw something for them before...
I only drew that piccy for Kyra becasue she said she liked the one i'd done for my sister and what she had written that day had inspired me. I do love Raidou. And now more people want me to draw for them!! I'm half way through bouncing like a mad chipmunk thats just been fed 11 straight shots of espresso (how Kyra puts up with me is anyones guess) and this little bundle of shakyness in a corner. (Non caffeene fueled shakes that is).
My Neurosis is squeeking (yes squeeking) at me...but what if i'm not good...what if that picture of Raidou was a one off, and all the rest will turn out to be bollocks. What if they're just telling me my pictures are good to be polite.
But my pride is telling me that my nerosis is being stupid.
The reality is probably somewhere inbetween.
Feb. 9th, 2008 @ 12:02 pm
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